When You Lose A Child, The Pain Is Always There

by Kesem Hetzrony

I take a deep breath.

The three weeks are about to begin. It’s a time that so many of us feel uneasy – and for good reason. These three weeks mark the most tragic and painful time on the Jewish calendar.

I recently discussed with a friend that pain itself is not a bad thing; the cause of it is.

Feeling pain – whether physically or emotionally, is the sign of a healthy human being confronting a situation that is not as it should be.

Pain is in fact a gift from the Aibishter.

Pain alerts us that something is wrong, and we have to do something to correct it.

Sometimes that simply means resting our feet, other times it’s a lot harder, like properly mourning our loss and doing all we can for Geulah.

Since Baby Shaina’s a’h passing, friends and acquaintances are often cautious when chatting with me. They don’t know if they should or should not mention her passing as they don’t want to “remind” us of our loss and pain.

Yet the loss and pain is always there.

Like the glass broken under the chuppah, even while experiencing the greatest simcha, we still hold on to and express our grief. This is part of Klal Yisroel’s great strength and resilience.

Aknowledging Shaina’s brief lifetime helps me know that my child’s memory and impact is not forgotten. It’s like a spiritual Matzeiva. She was here, she existed, and she made an impact.

And when the pain resurfaces, it highlights that I am and will always be Shaina’s mother.
How could I want that pain to leave until Moshiach comes and I am reunited with her again?

The pain forces me to embrace the harsh emotions of our reality, while at the same time reminding me I am human and as such, Hashem has given me tremendous strength to survive and move forward with this tragic situation.

With the right perspective, we can utilize the moments in which we most feel our devestating loss.

They move us to find meaning, purpose, and hope.

They bring us connect and trust deeply in Hashem.

They spur us to action; to heal and stop all pain.

And that will only happen with the Geulah Hashleimah.

Thus, when our grief is most heavy, and we feel stifiled in the darkness of our loss, we have a choice to use our pain as a match to ignite our soul.

We can stand as a lamp lighter, bringing more life, light, and love into this world.

As the Three Weeks begin, let us ask ourselves: what hachlata can I take on to heal the pain of Galus and merit the Geulah Shleimah, when every child and mother can hold each other once more?!

Please be the light, and in Shaina’s honor, join in spreading the illuminating warmth of Neiros Shabbos Kodesh.

Shabbat Candle Lighting Times:

NYC: 8:07pm
Philadelphia: 8:10pm
Los Angeles: 7:46pm
Miami: 7:56pm
Houston: 8:05pm

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